07 October, 2010


"And the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it."
Ecclesiastes 12:7
Lord, I can't sleep.... I'm tired of thinking and crying. My eyes are red, swollen, but I just can't stop the tears. I just can't :-( I lost 2 loved ones in one night. But most of all I lost my Tito Edgar just like that. Though my heart is broken, I thank you for saving him. I find comfort in knowing that he is with you now. Thank you Lord for bringing him into my life. He may have his share of shortcomings, (who doesn't?) but still I will forever be grateful for his life.
I remember he used to take good care of me and my siblings when we were kids. He was a teenager then. He was really close to his one and only "ate", my mom. We lived in one house for a long time. My mom used to tell me how my Tito loves ketchup so much. Even if we didn't have food on the table, as long as there's ketchup, he'll be fine. Among his siblings, he was the most intelligent. He got a scholarship in Don Bosco during his college days and received recognition and awards in chess. He was the one who taught me how to play chess. In fact, I was able to do a module on How to Play Chess for Kids because he inspired me. At one point, he left the country so he can help out his mom financially. After 3 years, he came back, a different person. There were rumours that he was harassed in Saudi and that resulted to mental anxiety. Since then, my Tito has been a burden to the family. We prayed and prayed that he gets well. Later on, by God's grace, we found a solution. With constant check up and injection, his sanity came back.
Just like me, my Tito loves to eat and laugh. We shared a lot of things in common and we went to church together. My Tito loves the Lord.Even if he's alone, he would go to church every single Sunday that he's with us in Manila. I am confident that he is now with the Lord....... peaceful as ever. No more asthma and suffering for you Tito. I will miss you dearly....... I am so sad that I didn't even get to see you the last time I was in Manila. I will miss your "lambing" that I may buy you a chess book, or give you pamasahe so you can go to church etc. I will miss eating and dining with you. I will miss hearing the wheezing sound of our asthma together. Bakit ba kasi tayo ang nakamana nun kay lolo e? 'yun pala ang babawi ng buhay mo. If you were in Manila, I don't think you will die. Mom will not allow that to happen. But I guess this is life. Nothing permanent, except DEATH!
Thank you for all your wonderful memories that I will cherish forever... I will miss you dearly!!!! :-(
Lord, in these times when I really don't have the strength to move on with life anymore, I LOOK TO YOU!

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I’m lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I’ve been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
And when melodies are gone In you I hear a song

I look to you

Have to lose my breath
There’s no fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I’ve taken
Led to my regret
And I don’t know if I’m go’n make it
Nothing to do but lift my head


My levees are broken
My walls are coming down on me
My rain is falling
Defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me!