A new heart, a new spirit, a new ME!

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you!" Eze 36:26

It's a new year once again! A time of new beginnings and new hopes for most people... for me! The past year 2010 was "my year" in a sense that I was born on the YEAR OF THE TIGER. I thought of it very positively then but naahhh I was totally wrong. However, now that I look back, I actually am very grateful that the Lord allowed me to go through hardships so I become a better person with a greater and extra ordinary motivation, passion and spirit. As in, I can't describe how excited I am with what's going to happen this 2011. I feel like the Lord is going to surprise me with so many things and at the same time, I'd make my way to make Him more proud of me than ever. Well, I know He is no matter how much I messed up in the last 2 decades of my life but nevertheless, I AM STILL LOVED! What a great God I have:-)

The year 2010 truly been a tough and rough road for me. It was the toughest I could ever think of. I was so down in all aspects financially, spiritually, emotionally and even physically. I lost a very important person in my life and I have never been so broke in my entire life but I have no one else to blame but myself. I was not a good steward of God's finances and with that comes consequences. Consequences that affected a lot of people - my family, friends, ministry. The feeling of great self-dissapointment started to control me and I began to fail the Lord more and more each day. I have been a Christian for more that 2 decades but I feel like at one point, I have stopped growing. My desire to be "extra ordinary, make a difference and excel" just suddenly dissappeared. And having to reflect over and over again, begging God to help me understand myself better and see where the problem lies brought me to this - I HAVE FORGOTTEN MY IDENTITY IN CHRIST! I totally lost a clear sense of who I am in God's eyes. That I am His disciple, a temple of His Holy Spirit and more importantly - I AM HIS CHILD.
John 1:12 "Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God ."
I John 3:1 "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"

And that as a child of God I should be victorious. And though I may have been betrayed, rejected and abandoned by others, God always welcomes me with open arms.Because WITH HIM I BELONG!

Another issue that the Lord had to deal with me was my CONSISTENCY. It's hard to be consistent isn't it? I mean, in one way or another we all have our own inconsistencies in life, we get busy, but mine was horrible because my inconsistency is on setting up the right priorities in life. I forgot intently what's really most important. Being a child of God entails enjoying Him, which for me means, spending time with Him, inviting Him into times of recreation and rest in addition to my ministry work. I neglected that, I neglected Him... not totally but worse, consciously! When I read John 8:31 just a few days ago which says "If you hold my teaching, you are my disciples" it hit me. IT HIT ME BIG TIME because I know that a true disciple puts a high priority on spiritual growth and heeds the admonition of Ephesians 4:15 that we are to "grow up into Him who is the head, that is, Christ." But I didn't.I messed up.My spiritual growth became very stagnant and I committed the most common mistake most Christians make - BEING COMPLACENT! I have been very lax, slothful and a mediocre christian. And for once, I hated myself for being one. It is for this very reason why the enemy got to easily steal my joy and passion in most of the things that I do. But game over! It's time to get back ALL that was taken from me! ONLY THE LORD can give me such great determination.Through the Holy Spirit, Christ dwells in all true believers, convicting us of sin, guiding us into truth, and empowering our lives. This then leads me to another area of my life that I have been neglecting for soooooo long - MY HEALTH!

By housing the Holy Spirit, our bodies become temples - holy, set apart for God's service."Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?" I Cor 3:16 This means that you and I carry God's spirit with us wherever we go. We are vessels of dynamic Holy Spirit activity and for this reason we need to take care our bodies by adhering to healthy eating habits, exercising, and getting ample rest. Well, I have no issue in terms drinking and smoking but man, my sleeping habit is VERY BAD! Admittedly, I am a night owl but I have never really tried to change which is actually very possible having a God like mine. Paul instructs us to honor God with our bodies (I Cor 6:20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies) and let Christ be exalted!

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of[a] his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live." Romans 8:11-13

Many of our addictions, compulsions, and bad habits are bodily behaviours. That's why scripture tells us not to let sin reign in our bodies but to offer ourselves completely to God, to dedicate the various parts of our bodies to God as "instruments of righteousness". The point is what we allow "in us" determines our behavior. And so, part of being the "new me" is also developing good sleeping habits and a healthy lifestyle!

Oh well, these are my main concerns in the last few years that I really, truly wanted to change and I am claiming that I will be victorious over all plans of the enemy to stop me again. With all these, may be you're asking after all that I have been through, what kept me going? Honestly, it is GOD'S CONSTANT PURSUIT OF MY HEART! It isn't in His vocabulary to give up on me. And with that, I am humbled and will always be grateful. Year 2010 maybe the hardest time of my life but at the same time, it is also a year of GRACE and of GREAT TRANSFORMATION of my life!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!!!

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness". Ephesians 4:22-24

I LOOK TO YOU

"And the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it."

Ecclesiastes 12:7

Lord, I can't sleep.... I'm tired of thinking and crying. My eyes are red, swollen, but I just can't stop the tears. I just can't :-( I lost 2 loved ones in one night. But most of all I lost my Tito Edgar just like that. Though my heart is broken, I thank you for saving him. I find comfort in knowing that he is with you now. Thank you Lord for bringing him into my life. He may have his share of shortcomings, (who doesn't?) but still I will forever be grateful for his life.

I remember he used to take good care of me and my siblings when we were kids. He was a teenager then. He was really close to his one and only "ate", my mom. We lived in one house for a long time. My mom used to tell me how my Tito loves ketchup so much. Even if we didn't have food on the table, as long as there's ketchup, he'll be fine. Among his siblings, he was the most intelligent. He got a scholarship in Don Bosco during his college days and received recognition and awards in chess. He was the one who taught me how to play chess. In fact, I was able to do a module on How to Play Chess for Kids because he inspired me. At one point, he left the country so he can help out his mom financially. After 3 years, he came back, a different person. There were rumours that he was harassed in Saudi and that resulted to mental anxiety. Since then, my Tito has been a burden to the family. We prayed and prayed that he gets well. Later on, by God's grace, we found a solution. With constant check up and injection, his sanity came back.

Just like me, my Tito loves to eat and laugh. We shared a lot of things in common and we went to church together. My Tito loves the Lord.Even if he's alone, he would go to church every single Sunday that he's with us in Manila. I am confident that he is now with the Lord....... peaceful as ever. No more asthma and suffering for you Tito. I will miss you dearly....... I am so sad that I didn't even get to see you the last time I was in Manila. I will miss your "lambing" that I may buy you a chess book, or give you pamasahe so you can go to church etc. I will miss eating and dining with you. I will miss hearing the wheezing sound of our asthma together. Bakit ba kasi tayo ang nakamana nun kay lolo e? 'yun pala ang babawi ng buhay mo. If you were in Manila, I don't think you will die. Mom will not allow that to happen. But I guess this is life. Nothing permanent, except DEATH!

Thank you for all your wonderful memories that I will cherish forever... I will miss you dearly!!!! :-(

Lord, in these times when I really don't have the strength to move on with life anymore, I LOOK TO YOU!

As I lay me down
Heaven hear me now
I’m lost without a cause
After giving it my all

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun
After all that I’ve been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

[Chorus:]
I look to you,
I look to you
After all my strength is gone
In you I can be strong
I look to you,
I look to you
And when melodies are gone In you I hear a song

I look to you

Have to lose my breath
There’s no fighting left
Sinking to rise no more
Searching for that open door

And every road that I’ve taken
Led to my regret
And I don’t know if I’m go’n make it
Nothing to do but lift my head

[Chorus]

My levees are broken
My walls are coming down on me
My rain is falling
Defeat is calling
I need you to set me free
Take me far away from the battle
I need you
Shine on me!

Autobiography In Five Chapters

I had the privilege to listen to John Maxwell preach live online a few minutes ago and I tell you, I was really blessed. He talked about SECOND CHANCES having Jonah as his main illustration. Aren't you glad that our God is a God not just of 2nd but 3rd, 4th, 5th and many more chances????? Well I am, co'z if not, I tell you I should have been dead long time ago. In the last 15 years of my life there is one lesson that God has been teaching me that until now I STILL HAVEN'T LEARNED.And so I'm not going to ask God anymore why it happened again and why I am in that hole again STILL TRYING TO GET OUT for the nth time around. Good thing, our God is GRACIOUS! And GRACE means, YOU GET WHAT YOU DON'T DESERVE. It is super embarrasing and humbling to hear that after being so stubborn and disobedient God says to me, "It's alright my daughter, you try it again this year, nothing changed, I STILL LOVE YOU".

And so, here I am, God didn't just give me a second chance but also dealt with my pride.And I thank HIM for that.It is such JOY to feel released from a long time hidden personal issues and be accountable with someone whom God sent to help me get really directed.

With all this I realized, I am not superwoman after all as many perceived. And that is a good thing:-)

Maxwell ended his preaching with this poem of Portia Nelson. My prayer is to be on Chapter 5 this year and that I decrease and HE INCREASES (John 3:30)

Enjoy! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!


Autobiography In Five Chapters

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

Portia Nelson
From: Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying